his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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