Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Rumble strips road head = magical
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
