Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Barsexuality is the new black.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we should paint friendship bongs
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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