I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
