eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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