I cannot find my penis.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just cropdusted the office
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
