Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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