sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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