we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
