OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he was CRYING into my vagina
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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