were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
