when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
