Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
do herpes really smell.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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