my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
