You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
