Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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