You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
