if i can run in heels then i can drive
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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