you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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