wakey wakey hands off snakey
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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