Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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