don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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