What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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