if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
