Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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