I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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