My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
