Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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