After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
