can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
