porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
