All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
