and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
