nut hugger
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
