someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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