my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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