actually, I'm a sock model
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
