Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
