I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
