Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
