NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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