I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
