I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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