Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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