Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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