I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
