i think i have two assholes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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