sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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