He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
