i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
