My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
