I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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