a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
