I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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