There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize