I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
