he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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