Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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