Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
