one might say we're banned from that church
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
