were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
