Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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