he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I fill condoms, not promises.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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