the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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