I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
