but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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