Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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