He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
