I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
