Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
