I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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